Music When There's No One Else

I've learned the hard way that people cannot be fully depended on when it comes to emotional distress or even comfort.  I've wasted years on people I should have moved on from earlier, people who don't even speak to me anymore for reasons I wouldn't want to hear about because I simply don't give a damn.  But finally moving on from what I walked away from doesn't remove the fact of how lonely it is to start over.  It even becomes heavier to handle when in this meanwhile, new people are coming and going through me faster than I can endure.  I guess saying goodbye wouldn't be so hard for those who don't get easily attached, but that doesn't really describe me.

In this meanwhile of limbo and lingering time, I turn to music and to the sounds of song and silence to comfort me when it's convenient for me.  On my terms.  Easily changing from unhappy to grateful, from joy to embitterment, from this to that, from there to here, from where I stand to anywhere.  Not only do the sounds comfort me in my own time but it also accompanies me to places I've never visited, places not created, places that only exist in the dimension of art and sound.  All of a sudden, life makes sense, is bearable, no, worth living for. 

I have never appreciated my ears more than I do today and I hope I do not lose my ability to hear any time soon.  Upon this appreciation, I have also noticed that there is no such things as pure silence, or least, I have not come across it upon my days of living.  There's always something to listen to.  The woman tapping her heels, the student tapping the erase end of his pencil, the ocean waves rolling in, the wind passing by, the sound of breaking cars in traffic, the sounds of people talking to their phones.  I guess, there's always something to listen to even though there always won't be someone there for me.  Not yet, at least. 

In the meanwhile, I take comfort in the fact that my ears will always have something to listen to.